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What to Drink While Watching ‘Mean Girls’

By Wine Enthusiast
Cast of Mean Girls with a Burn Book that includes wine Illustrations
Images Courtesy of Getty Images, Paramount Pictures

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For those of us who weren’t of legal drinking age when the original Mean Girls film debuted in 2004, the viewing experience of the 2024 film adaptation of the Broadway musical it spawned—which dropped in theaters January 8—is bound to hit a little different. For one, it’s far more likely to involve wine.

If you question what a reasonable person is doing pairing Mean Girls characters with wine, then we direct your attention to our incredibly detail-oriented and illuminating pairing guide for the season 10 Vanderpump Rules reunion. Wine pairings aren’t only for elevating various foods and flavors; they also have the power to make tangible things that are otherwise inexpressible. Also, it’s just fun, and for that, we make no apologies.

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And one more thing: Pairing Mean Girls characters with wine was surprisingly easy to do. Effortless, even. So many of the following pairings just made sense. They are, as one Gretchen Wieners might say, so fetch. And yes, we are making fetch happen.

Without further ado, here are the wines that go best with your favorite member of the Mean Girls universe. Whether you’re more of a Cady Heron kind of gal (Riesling) or a Regina George type (Cabernet Sauvignon), we’ve got you covered.

Images Courtesy of Getty Images, Paramount Pictures

Cady Heron and Riesling

Mean Girls’ central heroine is a study in contrasts. She’s well-liked and can be super sweet, but in her dryest moments, she’ll cut you with racy acidity. That’s Riesling, a people-pleasing grape that’s easily molded and can take many forms. Both Cady and Riesling can be either the star or blend into the crowd. You may not at first know what they’re up to under their many layers, but with time, both have an undeniable likeability and charm.

Rieslings our reviewers are loving right now:

Regina George and Cabernet Sauvignon

We all know that Cab is king. Or in the case of Regina George, queen. This character is a natural leader and upholder of the status quo, so naturally, she’s Cabernet Sauvignon. Cab Sauv can be elegant or rip you apart (with tannin), something Regina knows a thing or two about.

Cabernet Sauvignons our reviewers are loving right now:

Karen Shetty and Pinot Grigio

Fun but extremely ditzy, Karen Shetty doesn’t have a lot going on upstairs. That’s Pinot Grigio. It’s easygoing and drinkable, but most examples are porch-pounders that don’t give you a ton of complexity to ponder.

Pinot Grigios our reviewers are loving right now:

Gretchen Wieners and Oaked Chardonnay

Thin-skinned and incredibly malleable, oaked Chardonnay fits Gretchen Wieners to a tee. Both easily bend to peer pressure—Gretchen to Regina George, and oaked Chard to flavorful wood barrels. And just like Gretchen’s hair, oaked Chard is big and full of secrets: Is that big flavor courtesy of oak chips? The best barrels money can buy? We’ll never know. Also, just saying, it goes great with Toaster Strudel.

Chardonnays our reviewers are loving right now:

Janis ‘Imi’ike and Petit Verdot

A free-spirited loner and rejector of the social order, Janis is Petit Verdot. Inky black and goth-like in hue—just like Janis’s coiffure (and the eyeliner of the 2004 film’s Janis Ian)—this outsider grape isn’t exactly a household name, but it has a devoted following. Not for nothing, the grape is native to southwestern France in Bordeaux, where it can dominate the local Cabernet Sauvignon (hello, Regina George) if pushed to its limits.

Petit Verdots our reviewers are loving right now:

Damian Hubbard and Gamay

Charming, funny and part of the alternative crowd? Damian is Gamay. We’re talking about non-traditional, modern expressions that are attention-grabbing and fruit-forward, with slight effervescence and an almost candy-like flavor that smacks of bubble gum, Sweet Tarts and Gushers. Of course, it can also be quite tart and sour.

Gamays our reviewers are loving right now:

Aaron Samuels and Malbec

Everyone loves a good black Malbec, and everyone—at least Cady and Regina—want a piece of North Shore High School’s resident hottie. Malbec is a crowd pleaser and pairs easily with wildly different kinds of food. It’s not exactly thought-provoking, but that doesn’t stop everyone from wanting a sip.

Malbecs our reviewers are loving right now:

Kevin Ganatra and Orange Wine

This Mathletes champ is smart and outgoing, but a little dorky (despite fancying himself quite hip). That’s orange wine, a.k.a. the stuff that the self-professed cool kids in natural wine bars can’t stop drinking. The best examples have bold flavors and can’t be mistaken for anything else, much like Kevin. It’s also arguably the wine of brainiacs: Orange wine, which is often made with specialized equipment like amphorae and lesser-known indigenous grapes, requires some education to fully appreciate.

You May Also Like: Why Is Orange Wine Suddenly Everywhere?

Orange wines our reviewers are loving right now:

Ms. Norbury and Grenache

In a blend, Grenache elevates and brightens the flavors of its fellow grapes. That reminds us of Ms. Norbury, an idealistic and compassionate teacher who pushes her students to be better (not onto drugs!).

Grenaches our reviewers are loving right now:

Mrs. June George and Canned Sparkling Wine

She’s not a regular mom, she’s a cool mom. This description of Regina’s mother can also hold true for canned sparkling wine. It looks fun, with attractive branding and eye-catching visuals. But cans aren’t always the best vehicle for sparklers—much like Mrs. George, it can sometimes fall flat.

Canned sparkling wines our reviewers are loving right now:

Principal Duvall and Merlot

Steady and reliable, Principal Duvall can throw down if need be. That’s Merlot, the blend-favored grape that just wants to get along with everyone. It can mellow out abrasiveness with velvety texture and tannins, but don’t write it off as a wallflower. Merlot can have a powerful character, especially in hot years when it comes out swinging.

Merlots our reviewers are loving right now:

Published: January 19, 2024

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